D.C. 76:25-29
25 And this we saw also, and bear record, that an aangel of
God who was in authority in the presence of God, who brebelled against
the Only Begotten cSon whom
the Father dloved and
who was in the bosom of the Father, was thrust down from the presence of God
and the Son,
26 And was called aPerdition,
for the heavens bwept over
him—he was cLucifer,
a son of the morning.
27 And we beheld, and lo, he is afallen!
is fallen, even a son of the morning!
28 And while we were yet in the Spirit, the Lord commanded us that
we should write the vision; for we beheld Satan, that old aserpent,
even the bdevil,
who rebelled against God, and sought to take the kingdom of our cGod and
his Christ—
29 Wherefore, he maketh awar with
the saints of God, and encompasseth them round about.
Lucifer was known and loved in pre-existence.
Our Eternal Parents and the angels still mourn his loss. I am sure the
Eternal Father would even now redeem Lucifer if Lucifer desired redemption.
For years I have studied John Milton’s Paradise Lost. In
the beginning, it was mostly because of my need to search out the
pre-restoration prophets. I have been convinced that God spoke to other
men before he spoke to Joseph Smith. These men laid a foundation for the
restoration. I have come to know that John Milton was one of these
pre-restoration prophets.
In Book iii beginning in line 80 God The Father and God the Son
are watching Lucifer sneak out of the place of banishment. They are
discussing why God the Father will permit Lucifer to tempt the man, Adam.
They also state why God the Son will redeem man while he cannot redeem Lucifer.
“The first sort by thir own suggestion fell,
Self-tempted, self-deprav'd: Man falls deceiv'd [ 130 ]
By the other first: Man therefore shall find grace,”
“Through all restraint broke loose he wings his way
Not farr off Heav'n, in the Precincts of light,
Directly towards the new created World,
And Man there plac't, with purpose to assay [ 90 ]
If him by force he can destroy, or worse,
By some false guile pervert; and shall pervert
For man will heark'n to his glozing lyes,
And easily transgress the sole Command,
Sole pledge of his obedience: So will fall, [ 95 ]
Hee and his faithless Progenie: whose fault?
Whose but his own? ingrate, he had of mee
All he could have; I made him just and right,
Sufficient to have stood, though free to fall.
Such I created all th' Ethereal Powers [ 100 ]
And Spirits, both them who stood and them who faild;
Freely they stood who stood, and fell who fell.
Not free, what proof could they have givn sincere
Of true allegiance, constant Faith or Love,”
John Milton, in Book III, shows correctly why God permitted Lucifer
to fall and tempt man, but he does not show the deep love God the Father has
for Lucifer and why the Heavens mourned his loss. Joseph Smith may be the first person to clarify the deep love, of God the Father, for Lucifer and the significant loss to
the Heavens at Lucifer's rebellion.
Written as a final reflection for a Doctrine Covenants Class
Brigham Young University - Idaho
Spring 2021
Two possibilities were lost, when first they wed,
confident she was, of these possibilities.
This then, the request, a priesthood blessing,
to ward off the loss, of the possibilities.
Still, then came the loss, this, then day.
This then his personal Gethsemane.
Then came the new, possibilities,
provided by the one, that loved them all.
Thus comes a life, of raising,
their possibilities.
Much joy and sorrow then come,
from raising, these possibilities.
I hope you mourn the loss,
of your possibilities,
and gain joy, from raising
your new, possibilities.
"Before you cross the street take my hand.
Life is what happens to you
while you’re busy making other plans."
(John Lennon)
Steven Bassett
The building is gone,
long gone, now.
The memories remain,
the number of times I sat there,
wondering, why I had no friends.
My back turned to the playground.
Was my back turned to the possibilities, too?
It took years to learn,
to have a friend I had to be one.
Thankfully, in Jr. High,
a group of friends helped me learn,
to be a friend so I could have friends.
Now life is a joy and I have learned this lesson,
and I share it now,
with my new friends.
He had chosen one of them, a woman
as his first and last, companion.
The first apostle of the resurrection,
A special witness was a woman.
The first to testify of the renewal.
She being the first to see, his eternal, body.
This Easter Morn.
She then to witness, to the ones,
Who prayed daily, thank God I was not born,
A woman.
One of them had begged him,
To turn water into wine,
As a sign of celebration, and renewal,
At a wedding feast.
It was not his time yet,
Not yet ready, still in preparation,
In honor and obedience,
To a woman, he turned,
then water into wine.
This then Jesus.
Then what of one who came later,
The one who served modern Israel.
In modern Israel, among the saints,
And sinners of the Mississippi Delta.
He being the chief Sinner,
In need of renewal,
This Eastern Mourn.
His first and last companions,
Had been women too.
On arriving in Jackson, Mississippi.
The mission president had a need,
To move a car, and sister missionary,
To Monroe Louisiana.
This, then, new assignment,
Then at the end came the second, woman.
She the one who delivered him, first
To modern Israel.
He, her only child born in the summer,
In the afternoon, he was broken then too.
On the day of his birth,
This new discovery
This then the need, for surgery,
To create a body opening,
To expel the waste material,
Of a life.
The next 21 years,
They would then dance,
In and out of each other’s lives,
creating memories, together,
some good, many bad.
Until in this trip, together,
He would create an opening,
In their lives, to expel,
The anger, the hurt, and the shame,
Of the sad memories, together.
As he shared with her,
His love of Vicksburg.
Steven Bassett
D.C. 69:1
"Hearken unto me, saith the Lord your God, for my servant Oliver Cowdery’s sake. It is not wisdom in me that he should be entrusted with the commandments and the moneys which he shall carry unto the land of Zion, except one go with him who will be true and faithful."
“On every continent and across isles of the sea, the faithful are being gathered into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Differences in cultural background, language, gender, and facial features fade into insignificance as members lose themselves in service to their beloved Savior. Paul’s declaration is being fulfilled: “As many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.” 1994–A:69, Russell M. Nelson, “Teach Us Tolerance and Love”
I am 55 years old, and I have seen very many changes in the church. I was born into a church that discriminated against black men and women. Men and women were denied priesthood ordinations and temple blessings based on the color of their skin.
These practices were preached from general conference pulpits based on the false tradition, that it was taught by Joseph Smith. Faithful men begin the study of what Joseph Smith personally taught and practiced and documented how the current teachings were false.
In 1973 Lester E. Bush wrote and published in Dialogue Magazine Mormonism’s Negro Doctrine: an Historical Overview.
In the early 1960s, there is evidence that Pres. Hugh B. Brown recognized that this practice was one of the false traditions of our fathers and not a doctrine, or practice, from Heavenly Father. He came close to having the practice removed and changed by The Quorum of the Twelve at that time. I can speculate that the general church membership was not prepared for this change. Elder Spencer W. Kimball continued to support this policy in public while seeking continuing light and truth on this matter. He may have been praying for ways to help prepare the general church membership for these changes.
Lester Bush, through his scholarly work, was assisting in preparing the general church membership for these changes.
I can remember in my youth, reading about Sonja Johnson, and her ex-communication. She publicly advocated for the Equal Rights Amendment. This avocation was not the real concern for her stake president and local leaders. The real concern was the damage she was causing the missionary program because of her speeches, degrading the church and its leaders, before the American Psychological Association.
Here you see two examples of ways to create change in the temporal church. One is the faithful approach, and one is the unfaithful approach. I can be most effective in my avocation for change by faithfully supporting the current leadership and policies.
I have learned many things from personal study and prayer. Some of these may seem heterodoxical. I am learning the ways Heavenly Mother is sharing her powers with her daughters. It may be different from the ways Heavenly Father shares his powers with his sons. The great mystery is why Heavenly Father requires formal ordination while Heavenly Mother does not.
I can be most effective in sharing these truths by first paying my tithing and maintaining a current Temple Recommend. In public, especially in my church assignments and ministering lessons, I am most effective by limiting my lessons to current doctrine while sharing my more personal teachings with close friends.
I wish to follow Lester Bush’s example and not Sonja Johnson’s. I will support The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve as they are preparing the general membership for a more expanded role for women in church temporal leadership.
This essay was written for my BYU-I Doctrine and Covenants class in the spring of 2021
Elise
Just a note of encouragement, your example meant so much to me when I wondered if I would ever have a friend, or if I could learn to be a friend. Being a member of the orchestra changed my life, for the better.
I hear the sense of frustration in your voice and wish to carry some of that burden and lift your pain. This I cannot do. What I can do is tell you that I am a fellow traveler on the road. There are many of us who quietly carry a load, who desire to walk beside you on your journey.
Journeys can be tough but sometimes they are the best way to learn and to grow. A Redwood Forest requires fire to be germinated. Their seedlings open under great heat generated from a forest fire.
What be their task.
Here in the garden.
Know they not then, this burden.
Come to gloat, had they now,
Or only to mourn, this one.
If this be the failure, final.
All will be lost.
How to strengthen him then.
Thus, now they confirmed.
This burden, could carry, they not,
For man
For God.
The blood it flowed, drop by drop.
Once before there had been such a scene.
High on Mount Doom, in Mordor, a task almost too much, for this one to bare.
Mr. Frodo, all spent from burden, thus carried.
It had all seamed in vain.
Till came the friend, who walked the path.
Samwise Gamgee
"Come, Mr. Frodo!' he cried. 'I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."
So do angel's imitate men and hobbits.
This lesson they share.
my poem written when my wife was undergoing cancer treatments
I wish I could carry your burden, but this I cannot, but like the angels in Gethsemane and Samwise Gamgee on Mount Mordor, I can walk beside you and share the pain.
Early in our marriage my wife came to me and told me that she had stomach cancer. She said not to worry as stomach cancer is a slow burner and we still had decades together. From time to time, I would ask her about cancer. She would confirm that it was no big deal, and she could handle it well. I noticed that she held her stomach more and that more kinds of food seamed to unsettle her stomach. Then came the time she stated that the cancer was terminal and that she had six month to live. This would be the last time we would discuss the matter and she did not intend to inform anyone else but the children. She wanted to live the last six months with her children as normal as possible.
We held a family council and decided to try one more unconventional treatment that at least offered the possibility of returning her appetite. This, by some unexplained miracle, did return her to health. She is doing well today.
I cannot say God will cure you. I cannot say that my diabetes will be cured. Maybe together we can learn to manage our illness until we learn the lessons God has sent us here to learn.
In the middle of the cancer treatments, I started writing poetry to dispel the pain. I needed somewhere to put all the guilt, sorrow and shame. At first it was bad, very bad. But with time I found my voice and I shared it with a few trusted friends. I found a friend who helped me carry my load. Those were some dark years. The support of a friend carried me through while we waited for the cure.
One of my favorite books on pain and shame and suffering is The Shack by William P. Young. At the start of the book Mack’s daughter is kidnapped and murdered. He is invited by Papa, his wife’s name for God, to come for a visit in the shack where his daughter was murdered. When he arrives, the shack is turned into a beautiful log cabin and a lady that looks like Oprah Winfrey opens the door. She says she is Papa and is grateful he has stopped by for a visit. Together in the kitchen they kneaded bread. He reminds her that she abandoned her son on the cross. Then she states “Son, when all you see is your pain you lose sight of me.'' She shows him the scars she still carries on her wrist. While Jesus may not have recognized her presence, still, she shared the load.
I wonder how many times Papa continues to carry our load though we may not recognize her presence.
I did not recognize Papa carrying my load.
This poem came out of one of those difficult periods. My wife was dying, and my daughter was getting married. She asked the dog to walk her down the aisle. I don’t know if life could get much darker.
The knife, it was not sharp,
Just enough,
Serrated, thus it was,
Small in size.
Designed to portion a steak
into smaller pieces.
It had rested on the table.
Left from a previous meal.
It was a tough morning,
leading to a tough day.
One was dying, was she?
One was taking the covenants,
of marriage.
Both performed,
one the marriage,
one the promise.
He was uncertain of his place in both, lives.
Luck had it there were no guns in the house.
Still,
Would they really care in the morning?
There was a lot of blood,
Still...
I learned that playing with knives did not solve my problem; it only left one more mess to clean up.
I guess what I am trying to say is I did come through the darkness with the help of a friend. My Heavenly Mother offered me the gift of poetry to shed the shame. I am grateful for the gift, even though it came at a heavy cost.
Are there any gifts Papa has offered you as she has helped to carry your load?
I love to hear about your music. I stopped playing when I left for the mission field. String Bass is not a solo instrument. Maybe when I finish college and life slows down a little, I will start those Cello lessons. Till then I will listen to Cellos solos on Spotify and think of you, still, as I hope to share your load today.
Your fellow traveler.
Steven Bassett
These are the thoughts I shared in my BYU-I Family History class about the Abrahamic Covenant.
His wife, like Divinity, is best appreciated in small amounts. This is a line he received from the Muze.
Divinity comes in two varieties. We will speak of the candy first.
Divinity is a candy his aunts made him in his youth. It is served at fancy parties or wedding receptions. It is made from beaten egg whites like the meringue topping on a cream pie. Some people like to combine it with small nuts. Beaten egg whites are gently blended with sugar and corn syrup in a mixing bowl, then dropped onto a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper.
Working with Divinity is a skill that can take years to acquire. If dropped too soon, it puddles on the cookie sheet. When not gently blended, the syrupy mixture will melt the meringue in the mixing bowl.
It is better anticipated than consumed. Anticipation is its natural gift. One quickly learns that a tiny piece is more than enough to finish at a setting because of the high sugar content. It reminds him of Manna. Manna is the substance that Jehovah gave to the Children of Israel in the wilderness. The Children of Isreal were instructed to gather it daily, with a double portion on the sixth day because it was not provided on the seventh day. A double portion gathered on any other day spoiled the following day. Because Divinity is made from egg whites, it will not last more than a few days in a humid room.
Working with his wife is a skill that has taken him years to learn. She is like Golde, Tevye's wife in The Fiddler on the Roof. She is dedicated to nurturing her husband and family, but she does not mince words and is very direct and to the point.
They shared few interests when they married and share less so today. He knew she enjoyed being with and helping him even when little conversation he shared. She tried at first, but in his failure to reply, she learned to live a quiet life together.
Now they share one life in two homes, he anticipates his weekly visits, to learn more of her life that week. He quickly discovers she has little to share, and he is the one seeking to continue the conversation.
She is the last thing on his mind at night and the first thing he thinks of in the morning. He is sending her daily text messages and tiny pieces of poetry, songs, and essays. Seeking to nurture and rebuild their relationship, he damaged so long ago.
The second kind of Divinity is the one he is studying now. He is learning he has Heavenly Parents, and the second member of the Eternal Parenthood is female. She has been there, silently in the background this lifetime listening on the pray party line. When she discovers a need, she provides a solution often through the intervention of his wife and sister.
He now recognizes his wife is like Divinity, a fact he now appreciates. She is a shadow or reflection of his Eternal Mother. She is helping him to understand his Eternal Mother's influence. The intervention of the Eternal Mother is helping to breach this silence he created between them so long ago.
Fiddler on the roof - Do you love me
It started as a late-night text from someone who was little more than an acquaintance and little less than a friend. It would lead to this one becoming family.
Kelley had been preparing his yearly tax reports for the better part of a decade. Once a year, he would gather his information and schedule an appointment. Kelley would then prepare the tax returns, one for Idaho, one for Utah, and one for the Federal Government.
He met Kelley when he needed help with tax preparation. Kelly was a friend of his sister.
The text said, "I think my niece is your son's sister."
His only response was, "How did her father die."
It is essential to understand his two children were adopted. Their Birth Mother was his wife's sister, and both children came from separate Birth Fathers.
When he awoke the following day, a simple reply, Alan killed himself. Kelley then became his family, and he learned of the sister.
Before this day, the thought had never occurred to him that Alan may have an ex-wife and children. He pleaded with Kelley to speak with his niece and ask her not to contact Nicholas until he could inform his son of this new information.
He was able to visit his son the next day and inform him that he had two sisters and a brother from Alan and Vicki.
He spoke to Vicki about Nicholas's birth and Alan's death. He wondered how Alan felt about the adoption and was it a contributing factor in Alan's death.
She assured him that Alan was happy to see Nicholas placed in a good home. The adoption had not been a contributing factor in Alan's Death. Alan was bipolar and an alcoholic and knew he would not be able to raise Nicholas with Nancy.
In the coming days, he and his wife met with Nicholas's sister in a restaurant, and they then became family.
They have since discovered that Nicholas is bipolar, and his sister has been a big help in adjusting him to his new diagnosis.
God makes a family in many mysterious ways. Open your heart and mind, and he will help extend your family too.
"Two weeks to say hello and goodbye
She gave me this cactus, said 'It's kinda like me
It'll hurt you to hold it, but it blooms every spring."
Her hair is longer now,
longer than he has seen, before.
There was a time,
when cancer had its way,
that it came out, in handfuls.
Once, in their apartment,
she had cut her hair.
He rescued that sample
Now he carries that sample,
in his wallet,
as he carries her in his heart.
As they live separate lives, together,
He wonders about the changes,
they share, together.
He has begun to see,
as she has saught, to teach.
That change is good, for him, for her, for them.
Maybe she will keep this change,
like the many changes, he has sought to keep,
as they live their life together, apart.
He wonders if speaking to his wife is a little like praying and he wonders often if someone is listening on the other side?
He has been taught since his early youth, the standard of
pray for his faith community.
Dear Heavenly Father
Then he should state what he is grateful for.
Then he should ask for what he needs.
Then he should close in the Name of Jesus Christ
Amen
This is the way he has prayed for his entire lifetime.
He has begun to wonder if prayer is more of a party-line
affair.
In his youth laying telephone lines was an expensive affair,
often two or more neighbors would share the same physical phone line. His parents shared a phone line with the
adjacent home. When the phone rang once,
it was for you, if it rang twice it was for your neighbor. You could pick up
the phone and hear the neighbor's conversation.
What if in prayer there was an additional deity on the line
when you called home. Might God be married, and might his wife be listening?
They rarely speak of a Heavenly Mother in his faith
community. He has been instructed this
is because of respect and to avoid vulgar repetition of her name. They are
beginning to speak more of the Heavenly Mother, in his faith community, and he
longs to know more of her and the role she plays in his life.
His relationship with his Earthly Mother was always
difficult. They danced in and out of
each other’s lives. He reaching out
and she is pushing away, she reaching out and he pushing away. In the end, they danced together the most
beautiful dance, when he began to see his Mother for the Mom she became.
Was the Eternal Mom listening in on that party line and
doing her best to help them dance, together?
He knows that his wife is listening to him, not from the
things she says, but from the life, she lives.
She knows what he needs before he knows what he needs.
She spent 25 years always being at home when he arrived home or arranging for someone to be there when she could not. Less than 10 times in those years was she not
home when he arrived home.
She cooked and she cleaned, and she kept a fine house. She cared for their children.
She provided the proper advice even when he would have
preferred different advice.
She can be tenacious as a bulldog. When she gets hold of an idea she never let’s
go.
He wonders if she has a special connection with the Heavenly
Mother. When God listens in on the party
line, does she then communicate with one of her daughters to meet the needs discovered
in the prayer?
His Wife's Priesthood power seems like such a mystery to
him. Women preach they serve missions,
they serve in the temple, they bless their children when their children are ill,
often with a silent prayer of faith. He
has seen his wife do it many times as she rocked a child or placed it in a cool basin
of water to reduce a fever. He knows her
prayer of faith is as effective a priesthood blessing as a formal prayer from him. These things he is not authorized to do without
formal ordination.
Some speculate that endowed women share their father's and
husband’s priesthood power after the temple endowment. I am not sure this is correct. Might the
Heavenly Mother be sharing her Priesthood Power with her daughters after the
Temple Endowment. A two-track priesthood
line from the Heavenly Parents to the Earthy Adam and Eve would be such a
strength to the family.
Maybe someday it will be revealed to him from where his Wife's Priesthood Power is derived, for now, he is grateful for his wife’s exercise of her Priesthood Power.
He sees his mom then, in her eyes.
She the one that shares their life.
She is young like momma was.
Three young ones has she, now,
like momma had then.
His momma had three children in four years,
And daddy then too.
Funny he thought it was,
That he refused to walk until he was three.
She then carried two babies,
one on the hip and one in the carrier.
Her sister had helped, she unmarried,
Then became a nanny for number two.
Seeing the puzzle from his side, then and now.
Never seeing the burden, his refusal to walk,
Created for her.
Seeing over is not seeing through.
Now he sees, through
Both the joy and the burden,
His refusal to walk, created.
He now knows, the things, she provides
The joy and the sorrows, and the strength,
As his maturing mother supplied to her,
Little ones.
From whence then comes the need, for him to write?
He writes then, nearly weekly, to her, the one he shares
this life with.
She reads them or does she.
He never hears from her, on the writing and the poetry.
Maybe it is better this way.
They are his children, his only creations. He has a daughter and a son, he adopted years
ago. They are special and unique and fill
a void in their lives, but they are not his creation.
Once thirty years ago there had been another, he wrote, to her
to from his Christian Mission. After 3 months he
stopped writing when she never answered back. Only decades later did he come to
understand how she cherished these letters.
He could have taken a chance, weekly, to teach his mom the Gospel of
Jesus Christ.
Maybe it is his hope in writing her, he can leave something
for her and the children. That his
grandchildren will learn to cherish his writing as he now cherishes his grandmother’s
paintings and poetry.
This then is his hope today.
“Blue, Blue, I think I will paint the ceiling blue.”
This is the punch line from a joke, a mortgage broker told
him when they were first married. He thinks
of it often now as he lays in bed at night.
He remembers an earlier time as they shared a late-night intimacy. How
many times had she been in this position? On her back fulfilling his needs, as
she went over the things, she needed to do the following day.
Wash the dishes, check.
Clean the bathroom, check.
Making out a grocery list, check.
Feed the dog, check.
What is it about intimacy that drives men to their women?
Even after decades of only memories, still, it is the first thing he thinks of
in the morning and the last thing, he thinks of at night.
It can be said that a man only thinks of two things, the
last time he made love and what he must do to receive it again.
This is the thing he wishes more women understood.
God designed us to desire intimacy. It is hard-wired in us. Used properly it is the strongest tool women
possess to shape their man.
I have heard it said that women when they are pregnant, project
a hormone that prepares men to be good fathers.
Men remember your woman, protect her, her children, and her
priceless power she shares with you.
The joke.
What is the difference between a hooker, a mistress and a
wife?
A hooker says, “Was it good for you?”
A mistress says, “It was good for me.”
A wife says, “Blue, blue, I think I will paint the ceiling
blue.?
CAROL LYNN PEARSON'S "A MOTHERLESS HOUSE" (1992)
I live in a Motherless house
A broken home.
How it happened I cannot learn.
When I had words enough to ask
“Where is my Mother?”
No one seemed to know
And no one thought it strange
That no one else knew either.
I live in a Motherless house.
They are good to me here
But I find that no kindly
Patriarchal care eases the pain.
I yearn for the day
Someone will look at me and say
“You certainly do look like your Mother.”
I walk the rooms
Search the closets
Look for something that might
Have belonged to her--
A letter, a dress, a chair.
Would she not have left a note?
I close my eyes
And work to bring back her touch, her face.
Surely there must have been
A Motherly embrace
I can call back for comfort.
I live in a Motherless house,
Motherless and without a trace.
Who could have done this?
Who would tear an unweaned infant
From its Mother’s arms
And clear the place of every souvenir?
I live in a Motherless house.
I lie awake and listen always for the word
That never comes, but might.
I bury my face
In something soft as a breast.
I am a child--
Crying for my Mother in the night.
It may surprise you to discover my wife is not my best friend and companion. That distinction would go to my sister, Debbie. My wife has known and understood this fact our entire marriage. I think she knew it before I knew it. My wife feels the same way about my sister.
I married my wife,
partially, because she is Debbie’s best friend. I introduced them on our third
date at the family reunion. At the time
Bonnie was living with her parents in Franklin, Idaho and Debbie was living with
her first husband in Lewiston UT. Debbie was attending high school in Logan
Utah and Bonnie would give her rides home after school. If we had not married, Bonnie would have kept Debbie as a best friend.
I had four things in mind when selecting my wife. I thought about these needs for year's. This is an important thing to know and
understand.
I knew that she needed to be physically attractive, to me. I was not interested in marrying a beauty
queen, but she needed to be someone I was attracted to. I was grateful when the lady I was dating
before Bonnie ask me to stop seeing her.[i] I thought many times how terrible it would be
to wake up in bed with Ginger every morning.
I was so grateful that she stopped dating me.
I needed her to be older than me. I dated older women. I am not sure why this mattered to me, but I
knew it mattered to me. A therapist may
wonder if I was looking more for a mother, than a wife. This may be partially
true.
I knew that she had to love and respect my parents. She did not have to agree with their
lifestyle, but she needed to speak well of them or remain silent. That is why
our third date was to the Herzog Family reunion. I thought it was better to
shock her with my family and then get a response than to get attached to her
and then find that she did not like my family. I joke that her family reminded
me of the Beverly Hillbillies, but that is what attracted her to me.[ii]
It wanted to marry a returned missionary. This
would demonstrate her commitment to the Mormon church and its teachings. At the time men went on missions at 19 and
women went on missions at 21. This is partially why I dated older women. If women could not serve missions until they
were over 21 then the pool of available women would be mostly older women.
Aunt Nancy Martin[iii]
was my second mom. When my mom was struggling
as a young wife and mother, Aunt Nancy was my unofficial nanny. I was with her
so often that people wondered if I was her child. It is this early nurturing
that enables me to love today. Aunt Nancy could not make babies, so Mom shared
her babies with Aunt Nancy. When I was a teenager, I thought about marrying
someone like Aunt Nancy; someone who could not create babies. I knew somehow,
we would find a way to raise babies like Aunt Nancy raised babies. Bonnie told
me she may not be able to make babies. I
told her that it would not stop our marriage. This was a bridge we would cross
when we came to it.
I remember when I was courting Bonnie that I struggled to
find things in common to do together. We first went swimming or to the movies. I took her to visit family members. In the
end, we would meet after I got off work.
She worked nights at the hospital so she would come to Logan early and
we would walk the streets together late at night.
I can spend about 30 minutes with Bonnie and then I get
bored and must find something to entertain myself. When we were first married and living in the
small house in Logan, I would go downstairs to the basement and play with my
computer for hours after dinner. I did
not know how to spend time with Bonnie.
She soon put a stop to that and then I read lots of books. We watched a lot of television when the
children were young.
One of my greatest failures as a husband and father was not
interacting enough with my wife and children.
Most of the time I needed to take a second couple to dinner with us or
on vacation because I had so very little in common with Bonnie. It was nearly
too late when I learned to appreciate spending time with them. That is why our vacations were spent going to family reunions or campouts with Debbie.
I can remember that third day in our first apartment. We got married on a Saturday. On Sunday we went to Cornish UT to bless Debbie’s first child, Fridy. Monday morning, I had to go to work. When I came home, she had cleaned our apartment, bought food, and filled the fridge, and had dinner waiting for me on the table. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Bonnie was the first woman to clean the house and cook just for me. Charlene, Uncle Dave Bassett's wife, when I lived with their family in Kainesville Utah, cared for me like one of her children, but Bonnie did that just for me. She was always home for me when I got off work. When she could not be home, she would call and tell me to wait for her at someone's home or go visit my parents. She knew that I was frightened to go home to an empty house. I felt so abandoned and alone when this happened. It took me decades to realize she was doing that for me because she loves me. I think this happened less than a dozen times in the first 20 years of marriage.
Bonnie was the first woman I remember kissing, besides
momma, and the only one I have been intimate
with. It all began with a gentle nibbling on her ear. It was on our second day
of marriage. She led me to our bedroom
and ask me to help her to make a baby. She was so gentle with me. I think that one act bound me to her
forever. Some birds find themselves
bound to the first person or item they see after breaking out of the
shell. That act was like breaking out of
a shell for me. With that one act, we were forever one soul.
Let's make a baby,
She said.
It was not the first night,
But the second.
The first had been a pajama night.
Still, he had not slept with a
woman,
Except for momma, her momma, or an aunt.
The first day was busy,
The wedding breakfast,
Temple ceremony, when he nearly fainted, and the wedding reception.
So, the first night was a pajama
night.
She was the first to kiss him,
Except for momma.
That second night, they did
try, to make a baby.
Little did they know, He could
never create new life.
Still, they luved to try.
The babies did come, send from
another who luved them all.
He so luved his Eve.
So times seam tough and life is a struggle,
Still, he knows she was the first and will remain the only,
To ask him, to help her, to make a baby.
It is difficult to explain why I am so tightly bound to a
woman who so completely bores me. I
struggle to find things in common, things we can share. I can remember dreading long drives in the
car with her. For a couple of years, we
went together to Wyoming, once a week, while I repaired televisions in people’s
homes. Those drives were hard, most of
this time was spent in silence as she crocheted or did handwork. I struggled to
find things to talk to her about. When
she would drive, I would read a book or sleep.
I often fell asleep when we are together from sheer boredom.
Two great suns, once there were.
once in orbit near a great sphere,
Attracted they were one to
another.
This then what of the attraction.
Little in common had they then,
even less now so they find.
This then holds, what attraction?
This distance required, as the
sun's glow brighter,
a greater distance, in their orbit
sphere.
This then fear then he feels,
that destruction may come,
at a smaller orbit, as their strength and bond
glow brighter.
Daily he checks, this then the
dance.
Weaving in and out, each other's
sphere.
This many years now, then have
they danced.
The choice than to continue, this
covenant path.
Long-lasting projects are created by partners. A leader needs someone beside him who can tell him when he is wrong and needs to change. Bonnie is that for me. She is bold and is not afraid to correct me, to help me remain on course. This too has been a source of tension between us. She is tenacious. When she has an idea, she can be like a bulldog. She will remain at her post and no level of prodding or arguing will change her mind or divert her course of action.
Now as we live parallel lives, I have never felt more tightly bound to her. I live with my father while I care for him and attend college online. I check in with her daily and we meet weekly for breakfast together. I find myself looking forward to these times together. I no longer struggle to find things to talk to her about. I no longer am bored by her presence. Maybe I am growing and maturing. I do know that no one will ever mean more to me than her. We have an eternal marriage covenant and I remind her that this time apart will seam small compared to all of eternity.
I look forward to a time when our
babies will number, as the sands of the sea.
[i][i]
Ginger Bright, I discovered after were married that Ginger was Bonnies cousin.
[ii]
The Beverly Hillbillies was a television program
from the early 1960. They were a family
of poor hill fold from the Ozarks. Oil
is discovered on their property and the become wealthy. They take their Hillbilly
lifestyle to Beverly Hills California.
[iii]
Nancy Carolyn Herzog Martin (1947-2015) was my moms’ youngest sister. Growing up they shared the same bedroom. Many
people thought they shared the same personality. They were alike, yet so different. It was
like they took a similar pattern and developed different traits with that
pattern. Many times, mom would take Nancy on our family vacations. My parents and Nancy would share a bed, mom
sleeping between Dad and Nancy. This was a common thing people would do when I
was younger, it was not sexual.
