Who am I

Who Am I?

I am a 54-year-old middle-aged man.  I am a father.  I am a husband. I am a son. I love to read.  I love to write essays and poetry.  I am very highly self-educated.  Because I am very high functioning on the Autism Spectrum, I have a need to continually gather fresh information.  As I get older I have a much more difficult time recalling the data at a whim. I am very good at taking two facts and creating a third fact that builds on the first two.  This talent used to drive my mother crazy.  She thought I was making fun of her lack of education when I would ask her questions and then create facts and then appeared to know more about the subject than she did.   

I am an unorthodox heretical nonconforming Mormon.  I am highly respected in my faith community because of my vast understanding of church history, and scripture study, and my depth of knowledge of religious matters.  I found about 10 years ago this knowledge left me with no lasting peace or enjoyment in life.   I can remember going outside and cursing god in my unhappiness in this situation.   As I prayed and worked through this faith crisis, I learned to universalize my faith and began to understand how God will redeem all mankind.  I do not have time to describe it in full here, but it is based on the Light Of Christ, The Law of Atonement, and our Temple Ordinances.  I believe God does speak to all and there have been plenty of non-Mormon prophets in the world.  I have spent decades of my life searching out and finding their writings.   Their study has enriched my life.

I am dirty and disorganized at times.  I sometimes have to be reminded to shower on a daily basis.  It has not been a problem in the last few years, but it caused me great difficulty in my early grade school years.  I had a poor experience in grade school.  I was intellectually gifted but socially backward.  I discovered in my forty’s this was most likely caused by my undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome.  Once I took the Aspie test my whole world became clearer.  I began to understand why I think and socialize differently than most of my friends, especially in grade school.

I am a father who was born sterile.  I discovered this after I had been married a couple of years and my wife asked me to take a fertility test.   I have the privilege of adopting two children, a boy, and a girl.  They are the joy of my wife and my life.  I am so grateful for the chance to be a father. I often feel like a failure as a father when I compare myself to others in the ward.  Then I remind myself  I was the best father I knew how to be and if I was not their father they would never have been born.  My adoption made their life possible and they have blessed my life and my wife’s life.

An assignment for Comm 150

Still the Poetry

Still, the poetry

From where doeth it come.
But cometh it does.

Till I come,
It reaches me.

Forevermore
And then the same.

Doeth it reach you?

Steven Bassett

Facebook September 29, 2016

Sterling Silver relationships

This is one of my mom and Dad's first wedding bands. My Dad gave it to me a few years ago. I wear it as a reminder of my covenants, to my parents, wife, and children. It is of simple solid Sterling Silver like our relationships. If you look closely at our wedding photo,, I am wearing a gold wedding band. I was too poor to purchase wedding bands. Bonnie had a gold ring she stretched and remade for me as a wedding gift. It was beautiful, of high gold content. It was very soft and did not endure well. I wore it out completely. After that, I wore a C.T.R Ring for years thas was another gift from my wife. It too did not endure. This ring is al least 80 years old and still like new. I think we need to build sterling silver relationships that will last and endure the test of time. Nothing about this ring would attract you to it in a pawn shop. Still, it has lasted this many years. It is a strong as the day my parents first bought it probably in a pawn shop.

What they sell us

The world,
Is it now becoming?

They seek to divide,
to sell us the goods.

Hate sells better
then love.

To advertise,
they must shock us.

Murder, theft, and robbery,
sell better then,
kittens and new puppies.

To entertain they must devide us.

By all measure the world gets better,

When I walk away,
turn it off,
and seek to serve.

Steven Bassett

Facebook September 2015

On waking this morn

He awoke this morn.
At 4:00 am as he normally does.

He is an early riser.
Thinking of the one and the covenant.

Two houses, one home.
This is their life now.

Sent her a text he did,
Something to find when she awakes.

The covenants kept, the lives they share.
This then, this day, they renew.

On Return to Vicksburg

He hungered then, for Vicksburg.
Was it a dream, or a mere mirage?
He had been so young, then.
Full of possibility.
This newness, this learning, this stretching.

The truck driver traveling with the one, who was another's wife. 
7 days until the interview and the baptism.
Mission president agreed, honest they were ...
Still the need for divorce and remarriage.

Then the one they met in the hospital.
Stage four was her cancer within a year she would be gone.
She gained a testimony of the prophet, 
Listening to stories from The Book of Mormon.
Read by the one chain-smoking Camel cigarettes.
No cure would come,  yet peace would be restored.

What then does he return with, at the end,
His mom would come. to bring him home, from home...
He wanted his mom to share, in Vicksburg.
To see the growth and feel the love, of her son.

To leave the memories and bring the gift, of growth.
Never looking back, ever looking forward. 
Now in old age, it is the place he most wants to be.
To bring the one he raised the babies with.

To share with her his love, of Vicksburg.

When they wed

They where young, were they not,
when they wed.

Or where they not
but old.

How then to remember,
being young,

She taught him love,
Though learned he slow.

After these 30 years years,
yet many he is still,  learning

Will he ever listen, to her.

As time draws close,
is their time still,

To learn, to listen,  to love,

Now they are old, yet still so young

Steven Bassett
July 25 2015
Facebook

My Own Gethsemane, Final Draft

Steven Bassett

Bro. Gentry

Eng 106

18 July 2019

My Own Gethsemane

Is the pain less real for the loss of a possibility?  I asked myself this one day at work.   It began simply enough with a request from my wife as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom; it was now ours.  “Help me make a baby," she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.

            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together. The one thing my wife requested when we were courting was a small yard and a place to plant flowers.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins. This news brought such joy, it seemed to complete our marriage.   This reminded me of the first flower I gave her. She kissed me that night. This was my first kiss, except a goodnight kiss to momma and daddie.  A few days after I learned of the babies, she requested a priesthood blessing; the babies were dying.   The marriage that began with some flowers and a kiss soon turned to such depth of despair.

When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  No reason was found for my infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. If my body had never created a sperm cell, how did we experience the first miscarriage?  In my Patriarchal Blessing, God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.   

The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. Before he came to Earth, his daddy taught him about pain, sorrow, and loss. Until the garden, he has not experienced pain, sorrow, and loss.  My momma taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but had not experienced the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.

When I meet someone who has lost a child, I recall this experience.  I spent years mourning the loss of my unborn children, even if these children were only a possibility.  I understand how Christ carried my burden in The Garden of Gethsemane. I understand how He took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our children.

With time, a handmaiden would provide us with two children. I know how it feels to lose a child. I know how it feels to gain a child. I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second.   My children are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children.

My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.

My Own Gethsemane

Steven Bassett

Bro. Gentry

Eng 106

11 July 2019

My Own Gethsemane

Is the pain less real for the loss of a possibility?  I asked myself this one day at work. When my wife and I were first married we experienced what we thought was a miscarriage. Turns out I was sterile. My body had never created a sperm cell, idiopathic they said with no explanation. I use the experience when I meet with a friend or family member who has experienced a loss.  With this experience, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

To understand the height of my joy, I want you to experience the depth of my sorrow. This sorrow is a lesson I carry to help others to reach their joy.

She was my first, steady girlfriend, female kiss, and first female intimacy.   It began simply enough with a request my wife, as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom. It was now ours.  “Help me make a baby" she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.

            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins.  She requested a priesthood blessing. She was losing the babies.  I felt deeply this loss of our children.

            When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  The doctor found no reason for infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. I ask myself how could this be?  What of the loss of the first two babies?  Had not God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.

The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. He learned of pain, sorrow, and loss. His father had informed him about these things.  Till the Garden of Gethsemane, he had not experienced them. My mom taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but did not understand the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my Mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.

When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

With time a handmaiden would provide us with two children.  They are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children, even if those children were only a possibility.

My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.

#I am using the term handmaiden in the Old Testament sense.  In the Old Testament, a handmaiden is a woman who chooses to bear a child for another woman.  Ruth was a handmaiden to Naomi and Boaz.  Mary was a handmaiden to our Heavenly Mother. 

My Own Gethsemane

Steven Bassett

Bro. Gentry

Eng 106

2 July 2019

My Own Gethsemane

The pain is not less for the loss of a possibility.  She escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom. It was now ours.  “Help me make a baby" she had said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request.  She will remain the last.

She was my first, steady girlfriend, female kiss, and first female intimacy.  I remember the scent the next morning, it was somewhere between stale socks and the ice cream container a friend kept in her truck, used to store the contents of her stomach. My friend experienced morning sickness most of her pregnancy.

            We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together.  One night I learned, after coming home, we were expecting twins.  Then a priesthood blessing she requested, she was losing the babies.  I felt deeply this loss of our children.

            When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I take a fertility test.  The doctor found no reason for infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. I ask myself how could this be?  What of the loss of the first two babies?  Had not God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I felt was real even when the babies were not.  This pain I can use as a gift to understand others' loss vicariously.

The Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. He learned of pain, sorrow, and loss. His father had informed him about these things.  Till the Garden of Gethsemane, he had not experienced them. My mom taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana Allen.  He was born before he was ready to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but did not understand the pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my Mom and I share, like the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.

When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

            With time a handmaiden would provide us with two children.  They are both a real joy and a blessing.  These children have diminished but not removed the pain from the loss of the first two children, even if those children were only a possibility.

My children are mostly grown now.  My daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her husband.  They have replaced their unborn children with their family pets.  I understand their loss; I feel their pain.  I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.

God Speaks to All Men

Steven Bassett

Bro. Gentry

Eng 106

28 June 2019

God Speaks to All Men

When one studies extra-biblical sources of revelation, one learns that God speaks to all men in their own language and culture.  This search for extra-biblical sources of revelation can enrich one's life and enrich the lives of one's family and friends.  But still, one asks how can the study of extra-biblical sources improve one's life?  These men lived hard lives; we may have lived a hard life. They learned about God; we can learn about God.  They learned to recognize the voice of God; we can learn to recognize the voice of God. God has things he needs us to do, only us, not anyone else.  If we can learn how they received a revelation; we can receive revelations. Studying both standard works and extra-biblical text will help us recognize the voice of God in our lives and assist one in receiving revelation.

First, studying extra-biblical text will help us recognize the voice of God in our lives. Nephi, a Book of Mormon prophet, learned how to recognize the voice of God and learned that God speaks to all men in their own time, language, and culture.

 “For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding.” (2 Nephi 31:33)

If God does speak to all men in their languages, times, and cultures; we need to identify these sources in our native culture and language. This native culture, for me, is largely Anglo-Saxon-Norman.  The native language I speak is English.  In studying the Bible, I learned it is a rich source of information about God.  It has been giving inspiration and comfort, for many people, for generations.  It is a collection of stories and myths that reach back before recorded time. 

These stories were preserved because people found them helpful in living and understanding their daily experiences. The problem I have with the Bible is it was written in languages foreign to me and to cultures I do not understand.  To understand these revelations, I need to understand the cultures of their prophets.

We can study to recognize the voice of God. He will assist us in receiving revelation. These prophets and apostles learned the true nature of God.  They shared their testimony of him with us, and many paid for their revelations with their lives.  Some of these men sought to reform the church as a part of their revelations. These teaching can be difficult to understand because they were written for another time, place, culture, and language.  The English Prophets wrote to people who spoke English;  their culture was Anglo-Saxon- Norman.  Our culture has changed a great deal since their time, but this shared culture is more similar to my culture than the cultures of ancient Greece, Rome, or Judea.

            John Taylor was a lay Methodist preacher born in Milnthorpe, Westmorland (now part of Cumbria), England. He felt a calling to go to the Americas to preach.  He emigrated to Toronto, Canada where he was introduced to an extra-biblical text, The Book of Mormon.  This book led him to study the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to later join that church.  In a talk in the Salt Lake City, Utah Tabernacle, he stated.

"I have heard some people say, — If God revealed himself to men in other days, why not reveal himself to us?” I say, why not to us?  ...  There were men who could gaze upon the face of God, have the ministering of angels, and unfold the future destinies worldwide. If those were dark ages, I pray God to give me a little darkness and deliver me from the light and intelligence that prevail in our day” (Taylor).  

John Taylor learned to trust extra-biblical texts. I can learn to trust extra-biblical texts.  I have the courage to search for extra-biblical texts. I can be guided by The Holy Ghost. I know how they received revelation and how I can receive revelation.

            We have standard works for a reason, generations of people have learned they can be trusted. When we fail to use these standard works and rely too much on non-biblical text and personal revelation, we can be misinformed.  In 1524, the citizens of Munster, a small Germain town in Westphalia, demonstrated what can happen when we depend too much on personal revelations.  The Anabaptist, a protestant sect, gained control of the city.  They were first assisted by the anti-Catholic Luther leaders of the town.  John Leiden gained control of the city and ruled it by personal revelations.  There were a larger number of women in town then men. He legalized polygamy.  The town was surrounded by an army and forced to surrender.  This rebellion leads to The Treaty of Westphalia.  By this treaty, all countries were required to adopt the religion of their monarch.  This event reduced personal religious freedom.

There were men who produced extra-biblical text while holding fast to the standard works.  One of my favorites is John Milton, He failed in his mission to create the English Republic based on Puritan principles.  With the failure of The English Republic and the restoration of the English Monarchy under Charles II, Milton despaired that his life's work was a failure.   Few men of his age knew more about the biblical text, in Greek and Hebrew, then John knew.   He had an understanding of the ancient Greek stories and myths and the Greek philosophers.  John Milton lost his eyesight.  He wondered what good was a blind poet and philosopher; he then received the following revelation from God in the form of a poem.

On His Blindness

When I consider how my light is spent,

   Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,

   And that one Talent which is death to hide

   Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent

To serve therewith my Maker, and present

   My true account, lest he returning chide;

   “Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”

   I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent

That murmur, soon replies, "God" doth not need

   Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best

   Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state

Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed

 They also serve who only stand and wait.      

(John Milton)

            John is an example of a person who honored both the Biblical text and created new scripture.  It was after receiving this revelation that he produced Paradise Lost and Paradise Regained.  These texts are epic poetry, in the tradition of The Odyssey, or The Iliad.   The first poem describes the Fall of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden; The War in Heaven before The Creation and why God chose Jesus Christ as The Redeemer. The second describes a conversation Jesus and Lucifer had for 40 days, in the wilderness, after Jesus was baptized.  By itself, either text would have been the work of a lifetime. These texts would be difficult to produce for a man with good eyesight and a research library.  John produced these from memory as a blind poet. He composed it nightly and then dictated it to a secretary in the morning.  

Lives will be improved by our study of both biblical and extra-biblical sources. God has revealed things in our native culture and language.  Thanks to the invention of the internet these extra-biblical teachings are easier to locate and access now.  One should also search out and find other extra-biblical sources of inspiration and guidance; I ask you to continue to study the standard works, but also don’t be afraid of expanding your horizon and search out other sources of information in your native time, language, and culture.

Works Cited

Smith, Joseph. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 2013.

“The Knowledge of God and Mode of Worshiping Him John Taylor.” John Taylor: The Knowledge of God, Etc (Journal of Discourses), journalofdiscourses.com/16/26.

Milton, John. “Sonnet 19: When I Consider How My Light Is Spent by John Milton.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation, www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44750/sonnet-19-when-i-consider-how-my-light-is-spent.

On the Loss of Possibility

Is the pain any less, for the loss of a possibility?
I ask myself this question, one day at work.

Help me make a baby she had said,
On the first time, on that second night.
It began with the gentle nibbling on her ear.
It was good that first night, and the many to follow.
In a matter of weeks, they were in that first home.
The first one they purchased, together.
He came home one evening, twins she said, coming soon.
Then one night the home teacher they called.
A blessing she wanted, to keep the babies.
Then the loss of those two possibilities.
Still together they worked, on creating the babies.
In time they learned of the loss of the possibility.
He had been born sterile, no babies would he ever produce.
Still, the pain he remembered, from the loss
of the first two possibilities.
He would keep the memory of the pain, of the loss.
He would recall it when he needed to understand the loss of the others,
and their possibilities.
With time the handmaiden would provide the babies.
He would teach his children to honor the handmaiden,
as he and his wife raised their new possibilities.
Still, he carried with him, the pain of the loss, of those first two, possibilities.

When I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I  understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane.  How he took up my pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders.  I know how it feels to lose a child.  I know how it feels to gain a child.  I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.

On Learning to Trust Doubt v11

Steven Bassett

Bro. Gentry

Eng 106

25 May 2019

On Learning to Trust in Doubt

Is it wrong to doubt or question gospel doctrines, or is it a normal part of developing a testimony?

I have learned that doubt is an essential part of the learning process.  We must confront what our parents and teachers have taught us.  A number of years ago I created a motto for myself; “Real growth comes in the margins, with rising levels of uncertainty’”. We must be willing to evaluate their truth claims if only to correct their incomplete understanding.  "I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong."  (Feynman, p24)

I have been instructed since my youth to bear testimony of the certainty of the restoration, that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that God’s prophet leads the church today. I myself have born this testimony many times from the pulpit. This testimony was a good first step.  The first step in pedagogy is an imitation.  In the long run, imitation will not sustain truth exploration or increase our faith and reliance on God.

 In an essay, Levi Petersen speaks of losing his testimony.  He loses it when he is confronted by the Christianity of a Jehovah's Witness.  He had been raised to believe that The Latter-Day Saint Church has a monopoly on truth.  In the essay, he speaks of seeking the remainder of his life to returning to this level of certainty.  " If I differ from the typical Latter-day Saint, it is because my anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul." (Petersen,19) With this level of uncertainty, Levi has learned to see the essential question of the immortality of his very soul.

Levi Peterson's wife was a non-Mormon.  She asks him to raise their daughter in the LDS Church because his church was as good as any other, maybe a little better.  She had the faith to believe the doctrines of the Church would be beneficial to their daughter.  She was expressing a faith, if not a belief.   Even in his uncertainty Levi was able to pass his faith in God onto his wife and child.

I myself have experienced this level of angst and uncertainty.  I have studied, and studied, and studied the doctrines of the Church, yet this study brought me no lasting peace and fulfillment.  I remember going out one night and cursing God in my unhappiness.  This certainty has brought me no personal sense of satisfaction.  

There was a payphone that once stood in the Mojave Desert. It was installed in the corner of a crossroad for the convenience of some miners who worked nearby.  In the days before cell phones, phone booths were an essential part of life.  The phone company continued to maintain the phone booth long after the mine closed.  With the invention of the Internet, the world soon learned the number to the phone.  As a prank people would call it just to hear it ring.  Visitors camped near the phone booth just to listen for the ring.  I often thought of this story as I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting.  I wondered if I was the pay phone waiting for a call or was I the one calling the pay phone knowing no one would answer it.  (Mojave Phone Booth,Wikipedia)

I am learning to live with uncertainty.  Do my children love me?  Where do I fit in the lives of my wife and children?  Is God really there and does he answer my prayers?  Have I lived the life God wanted me to live? Who are my large and righteous posterity? How do I hear his voice and follow his ways?

Even as my own level of uncertainty has increased, I have learned to have more faith and trust in God.  I have been led to instruct my children in an unorthodox manner.  I have taught them well The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They know how to repent, and they know how to forgive and be forgiven.  I am most certain of this.  I see it in their eyes when I see their interactions with each other.  When I see the pictures of my two children and their older brother laughing and having a good time, I know that I have made enough good choices to partially answer these questions. I have no certainty, but I have hope, for now, that is enough.  This uncertainty brings me great joy. 

When I listen to the talks in Sacrament Meeting for intent, not for quality, when I pet my children’s newborn kittens, when I listened to my Dad’s favorite joke for the fourth time yesterday, and three times today, when I am grateful for the life Heavenly Father has led me to create, I know these things are real life.   They bring real joy.

I will never be able to stop thinking about deep thoughts.  My brain is hard-wired to do it.  I can not stop it.  I also know these deep thoughts are not real life.  I am grateful for my wife and children and for them helping me to understand this truth and to live with uncertainty. This increase in uncertainty has to lead me to great faith, and reliance on God.

Feynman, Richard P., and Jeffrey Robbins. The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard P. Feynman. Penguin, 2007.

Peterson, Levi S. “A Christian by Yearning.” Sunstone, Sept. 1988.

“Mojave Phone Booth.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 22 Feb. 2019, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojave_phone_booth.

On learning to trust doubt

On Learning to Trust in Doubt

I believe that doubt is an important part of our growth process and essential to learning about God.

I have been instructed since my youth to bear testimony of the certainty of the restoration.  That Joseph Smith was a prophet and that Gods prophet leads the church today. I myself have born this testimony many times from the pulpit.  I now find this level of certainty brings me no level of happiness or joy.

One of my favorite essays is A Christian by Yearning, by Levi S. Peterson. In the essay, Levi speaks of losing his testimony within weeks of arriving on his mission in France.  He loses it when he is confronted by the Christianity of a Jehovah's Witness.  He had been raised to believe that The Latter-Day Saint Church has a monopoly on truth.  He speaks of spending the remainder of his life trying to recover the certainty of that testimony and failing.

"Today I am a more or less active Mormon. I attend sacrament meeting regularly, I am a home teacher, I am a half-time instructor of my ward high priests’ group. I am uninterested in what I will call secondary theological questions such as the authenticity of the Book of Mormon, the prophetical character of Joseph Smith, and the doctrine of the three degrees of glory. I do not quarrel with those doctrines. If my fellow Mormons consider them important, I too will stand by them, and I will certainly not fail to give them an orthodox cast when I lead discussions in my high priests’ group. But in my private ruminations, I dwell instead upon the more primary matters of the fatherhood of God, the redemptive sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and the immortality of the human soul."   "If I differ from the typical Latter-day Saint, it is because my anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul."

I began to feel this angst a number of years ago.  I have studied, and studied, and studied the Doctrines of the Church.  This study brought me no lasting peace and fulfillment.  I remember going out one night and cursing God in my unhappiness.  This certainty has brought me no personal sense of satisfaction.  I had a meeting with the Bishop and expressed my feelings.  He asks me to continue to attend church if only for the benefit of the members of the congregation.  They needed my fellowship.

There was a payphone that once stood in the Mojave Desert it. It was installed in the corner of a crossroad for the convenience of some miners who worked nearby.  In the days before cell phones, phone booths were an essential part of life.  The phone company continued to maintain the phone booth long after the mine closed.  With the invention of the Internet, the world soon learned the number to the phone.  As a prank people would call it just to hear it ring.  Visitors camped near the phone booth just to listen for the ring.  I often thought of this story as I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting.  These thoughts lead me to the creation of this poem.

(714) 733-9969

I lost it today, my religion.

Left long neglected, so long ago.

Like a sign, on a road to nowhere.

Like a phone booth, in middle the desert.

Do I call it, or does it call me?

When I call does it hear me?

Or does it ring, and ring and ring?

Still, I ask, is it the service, or is it me.

Steven Bassett

I am learning to live with uncertainty.  Do my children love me?  Where do I fit in the lives of my wife and children?  Is God really there and does he answer my prayers?  Have I lived the life God wanted me to live? Who are my large and righteous posterity? How do I hear his voice and follow his ways?

Levi Peterson's wife was a non-Mormon.  She asks him to raise their daughter in the LDS Church because his church was as good as any other maybe a little better.  She had the faith to believe The Doctrines of the Church would be beneficial to their daughter.  She was expressing a faith, if not a belief. 

Can I live with the uncertainty of my wife and children’s testimony of The Doctrines of the Church?  Can I overcome the guilt at not helping them to develop a stronger testimony of these doctrines?  Through our experiences helping their older brother to repent of some very serious sins, I have taught them well The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They know how to repent. They know how to forgive and be forgiven.  I am most certain of this.  I see it in their eyes when I see their interactions with each other.

My children are adopted.  There is a good chance my adoption made their life possible.  When I see the pictures of my two children and their older brother laughing and having a good time, I know that I have made enough good choices to partially answer these questions. I have no certainty, but I have hope, for now, that is enough.  This uncertainty brings me great joy. 

When I listen to the talks in Sacrament Meeting for intent, not for quality, when I pet my children’s newborn kittens, when I listened to my Dad’s favorite joke for the fourth time yesterday, and three times today, when I am grateful for the life Heavenly Father has led me to create, I know these things are real life.   They bring real joy.

I will never be able to stop thinking about deep thoughts.  My brain is hard-wired to do it.  I can not stop it.  I also know these deep thoughts are not real life.  I am grateful for my wife and children and for them helping me to understand this truth and to live with uncertainty.

Eng 106G post

Steven Lynn Bassett
May 25, 2019 May 25 at 8:50pm
An Eternal Quest--
Freedom of the Mind
Hugh B. Brown

"Preserve, then, the freedom of your mind in education and in religion, and be unafraid to express your thoughts and to insist upon your right to examine every proposition. We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts. One may memorize much without learning anything. In this age of speed, there seems to be little time for meditation. "

In “An Eternal Quest,” Elder Hugh B. Brown states that “More thinking is the antidote for evils that spring from wrong thinking.” What does Elder Brown mean by this?

This weeks reading brings me to the shame of my post from last weeks lesson. I so wanted to use a word to describe my favorite Christmas Carol, The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams. The song is about two woman pagans in town, celebrating Solstice. In the song, it is inferred that they are lesbians. I was afraid to use this word, in this group, because I wondered how receptive my audience would be to my post if I used it. It is the power of the inference that makes the song special. If two lesbian pagans can choose to celebrate the Solstice with a group of Christian who are decorating a Christmas tree, can we not extend the hand of fellowship to our gay brothers and sisters in this church who are struggling to find a place to fit.

"Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,"
"Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay."
"And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
"He watched his son hang candy canes all made with Red Dye No. 3.
"He told his niece, "Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style, "
"She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it been awhile."

I have a gay nephew who struggled to find his way in the church. I finally had to help him to find a congregation that was a better fit. He was going mad trying to be a "good Mormon" knowing that he did not fit the standard model. I wish a way could have been found to help him feel comfortable in an LDS Congregation, at the time I could no see a way to do it, at least not in our local area.

I think Hugh B. Brown would have urged me to help him, find a way, to fit in an LDS congregation. With my then limited knowledge and the freshness of the idea to people in our area, I coped out and sought the easier solution. At least now Elder Browns writing has given me the courage to express how I really feel and to share my thoughts with you. I hope when you are confronted with the same choice you will learn from my experience and find a way to help your Gay, and Lesbian friends, and family to find a way to fit in an LDS Congregation.

Edited by Steven Lynn Bassett on May 25 at 8:52pm

Reply to Comment
Michael Gentry

Thursday May 30 at 1:41pm
Steven,

Thanks for sharing this.  It's deeply personal and has affected you enough to share your thoughts about it.  I appreciate that!

Your post made me consider our potential.  And by "our," I am talking about all people on earth.

C.S. Lewis talks about the fact that all of us have the potential to be Gods and Goddesses.  This alone should dictate and direct much of our critical thinking. 

Let me ask a few questions.  Do you consider the fact that you are a future God/Goddess?  Do you consider the fact that those around have the exact same potential?  How does this change how we treat others?  How does this change how we treat ourselves?

Bro. Gentry

Reply to Comment

Steven Lynn Bassett

Thursday May 30 at 5:39pm

  When I met with my Pathway Missionary couple before this year began,  I told them that my goal when I meet anyone was to ensure there life was better for having met me.  I told my wife when we were dating that I believed firmly in D.C. 121.  I would never drive her only to lead her. 

I know that Talmage, in Jesus the Christ, wrote that the water turned into wine when Christ requested because the elements knew it was in their best interest.  Christ did not force the water to become wine, it changed on his request because it honored him.  Yes, my long term goal is to live as God lives,  to do this I must have his character.  To paraphrase G.K. Chester  "What is wrong with the world. I am what is wrong with the world, my failure to be like Christ."

So to answer your question, when I meet one of my brother and sisters I need to see them as my Heavenly Father sees them, as gods in an embryo.  I must be a patient with myself as I am learning to be patient with others.

I am sorry if my post was too personal.  I tend to overshare when I get going.  I love to think and I love to write.  Most of my friends have learned to love this little quirk in my soul.

Thank You.

Edited by Steven Lynn Bassett on May 30 at 5:42pm

 Reply to Comment

Michael Gentry
Yesterday May 31 at 9:38am
Steven,

I love this post.  Thanks for the intimate details and thoughts.  They are perfect.

That goal, to make everyone you meet better, is so awesome.  When I drop my kids off at school, I always tell them to brighten somebody's day.  You are taking this a step further--changing lives.

You are very articulate, and you are obviously well read and intelligent.  Put those things together and it makes for a great writer.

Keep up the good work.

Bro. G

On Thinking and Heterodoxy

An Eternal Quest--
Freedom of the Mind
Hugh B. Brown

"Preserve, then, the freedom of your mind in education and in religion, and be unafraid to express your thoughts and to insist upon your right to examine every proposition. We are not so much concerned with whether your thoughts are orthodox or heterodox as we are that you shall have thoughts. One may memorize much without learning anything. In this age of speed, there seems to be little time for meditation. "

In “An Eternal Quest,” Elder Hugh B. Brown states that “More thinking is the antidote for evils that spring from wrong thinking.” What does Elder Brown mean by this?

This weeks reading brings me to the shame of my post from last weeks lesson. I so wanted to use a word to describe my favorite Christmas Carol, The Christians and the Pagans by Dar Williams. The song is about two woman pagans in town, celebrating Solstice. In the song, it is inferred that they are lesbians. I was afraid to use this word, in this group, because I wondered how receptive my audience would be to my post if I used it. It is the power of the inference that makes the song special. If two lesbian pagans can choose to celebrate the Solstice with a group of Christian who are decorating a Christmas tree, can we not extend the hand of fellowship to our gay brothers and sisters in this church who are struggling to find a place to fit.

"Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday,
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay.
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree,
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with Red Dye No. 3.
He told his niece, "Its Christmas Eve, I know our life is not your style,
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and its been awhile."

I have a gay nephew who struggled to find his way in the church. I finally had to help him to find a congregation that was a better fit. He was going mad trying to be a "good Mormon" knowing that he did not fit the standard model. I wish a way could have been found to help him feel comfortable in an LDS Congregation, at the time I could no see a way to do it, at least not in our local area.

I think Hugh B. Brown would have urged me to help him, find a way, to fit in an LDS congregation. With my then limited knowledge and the freshness of the idea to people in our area, I coped out and sought the easier solution. At least now Elder Browns writing has given me the courage to express how I really feel and to share my thoughts with you. I hope when you are confronted with the same choice you will learn from my experience and find a way to help your Gay, and Lesbian friends, and family to find a way to fit in an LDS Congregation.