On a "Highway 20 Ride"

I ride east every other Friday but if I had it my way

Days would not be wasted on this drive

And I want so bad to hold you

Son, there's things I haven't told you

Your mom and me just couldn't get along

So I'll drive

And I think about my life

And wonder why I'll slowly die inside

Everytime I turn that truck around, right at the Georgia line

and I count the days and the miles back home to you on that Highway 20 ride

A day might come and you'll realize that if you could see through my eyes

There was no other way to work it out

And a part of you might hate me

But son please don't mistake me

For a man that didn't care at all

So I drive

And I think about my life

And wonder why I'll slowly die inside

Everytime I turn that truck around, right at the Georgia line

and I count the days and the miles back home to you on that Highway 20 ride

So when you drive

And the years go flying by

I hope you smile

If I ever cross your mind

It was a pleasure of my life

And I cherished every time

And my whole world

It begins and ends with you

On that Highway 20 ride....

Writer(s): Zachry Brown, Wyatt Durrette
Copyright: Angelika Music

On Same Sex Attraction

My thoughts on same sex attraction.

I live in a biologically evolved, fallen world.  There are many biological factors, I cannot explain.  One factor is the parasitic wasp. This wasp injects its victims with a neurotoxin.  This toxin leaves the wasps victims immobilized.  The victim is alive but unable to act independently. The wasp lays its eggs in the victim where its offspring slowly consume the host leaving the vital organs intact. 

Why would a benevolent creator, engineer such a creature? 

Pregnant women emit a hormone that prepares men to be better fathers.  If more then one women share a household the dominate one will soon adjust reproductive cycles of the non-dominate women to match her reproductive cycle.

I have a biological factor that has left a thorn in my flesh.  I inherited it from my father and grandfather.  It lies in the Autism Spectrum. Its gift is that it gives me very high academic abilities.  I can hyper focus to learn subjects that interest me.  It is a curse because it leaves me socially color blind.  I walk in a room full of people and I am flooded with social clues. I find these clues difficult to process.  I have passed my parents on the road numerous times and not noticed of their presence.

Elementary school was a tough time for me.  I had not yet learned to process these feelings.  I can remember sitting in the playground not knowing how to interact with my classmates.  I often sat by self in a corner trying to figure out the rules of the games.  I was shunned by my classmates.  I spent my free time in the library reading dictionaries because they were easier to comprehend. 

Junior high was a much better experience.  I joined an orchestra.  The children accepted me.  The conductor began in a kind, loving and humorous manner to teach me how to process my feelings.  People smiled at me as I passed them in the hallway.  I learned to socialize.  I was no longer shunned. I felt loved and supported. 

 I have loving memories of my friendship. in Junior High. I have spent many years thoughtfully praying about this issue.  I am still coming to understand the biological effects of my own chromosomal errors. As my friends in Jr. High gave me the grace to grow; I offer this same grace to my family members with same sex attraction. I lead more effectively from a place of compassion; then I can drive from a place of shame. Christ leads from a place of compassion. The adversary drives from a place of shame.

• We shall not be compelled to consecrate their marriages in our temples or chapels.  
• May we support their marriages performed in the community by our civil magistrates?  
• Can we slide over and make room for them in the pews when then desire to come and worship with us? 
• Can we invite them and their children to attend our Primaries, Sunday Schools, Men’s and Women’s Meetings?  
• Can we bring in meals when their families are ill?
• Can we support good jobs for them in our communities and safe homes to shelter their families? 
• Would the God that we worship ask any less of us?

On a "Whiskey Lullaby"

Brad Paisley Alison Krauss

This song haunts me. I have a friend who started a similar story, but is choosing a different ending. I deeply admire his efforts to rebuild a relationship with the mother of his children.

"He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger .... While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby"

It takes courage to step away from the bottom of a bottle and to make a better choice.

Our Eternal Father would have us make this choice. Can we learn to love as he and is son do. To love deeply, strongly and Eternally. The example was set in Judea 2000 years ago.

They sought to redeem all of Gods children. They loved Pontius Pilot, Herod, and Saul of Tarsus as deeply as they loved Peter, James and John.

"She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette

She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget

We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time

But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind

Until the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger

And finally drank away her memory

Life is short but this time it was bigger

Than the strength he had to get up off his knees

We found him with his face down in the pillow

With a note that said I'll love her till I die

And when we buried him beneath the willow

The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself

For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath

She finally drank her pain away a little at a time 

But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind

Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger

And finally drank away his memory

Life is short but this time it was bigger

Than the strength she had to get up off her knees

We found her with her face down in the pillow

Clinging to his picture for dear life

We laid her next to him beneath the willow

While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby"

Bill Anderson

Copyright: Mr. Bubba Music Inc.

Sony/ATV Tree Publishing

... on being less common

Today is Boxing Day. 

In England it is the day the Common Folk become less common 

and the Aristocracy become more , 

at least for a for a day. 

I am a very Vulgar Man, in the traditional sense. 
I am a little more common then most.  

Perhaps the myth of America is that we all strive to be a little more red-neck every day.  

Like Lake Wobegon "

...where the woman are strong, 
the men are good looking 
and the children are all above average." 

( Garrison Keller)

In England, the future Queen is a Nouveau Riche daughter of a Web-site founder. 

Not since the time of Henry VII a has a more common heritage come to inherit the future thrown. 

Perhaps three fourths of the royal blood line is not blue blood.

Perhaps; I strive to be more then I am. 

That I seek to ...

• " .... mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, ..." (Moroni 18:9), , 

...most days I fail to meet the target.

If you see me today be a little more kinder

then  necessary,

and I will strive to do the same.

Seek to lift and to embrace.

Choose to love and to serve.

On Prophetic Error, or traditions of the Fathers.

As I drove into work this morning, this thought was on my mind. That prophets have always been human and subject to error.  Jonah ran away from his mission to Nineveh.  Peter apposed Gentiles in the church.  Paul\Saul persecuted the church.

I have spent the better part of a decade and a half studying black ordination history. When I look at this issue I am confronted with Elisha Ables and his ordination by Joseph Smith.  Joseph sent him as a Seventy to minister to the runaway slaves in Canada. 

It is hard to separate the pre 1848 Brigham Young from the post 1852 Utah Territorial Governor.  Something happened to Brigham Young on the open prairies of the western United States where he lost his personal battle with racial prejudice.  

Maybe it was the loss Joseph or  his homes in Nauvoo and Missouri to mob violence.  I will not try to justify it or explain it away.  I can only say it happened.  

I lost my grandfather, Alvin  Horr, on this same plain.  He was buried in an unmarked grave.

Prophets do effect the people they lead.  We as a people do have an effect on the prophets who lead us.  Moses first offered the priesthood to all of Israel but later restricted the priesthood to only his tribe, the Levites. The tribe, or race, who he, Moses trusted more.

The real picture is for us today do we do the hard work for ourselves of receiving a witness of his teachings from the Holy Ghost.  We are instructed to listen to the brethren then seek our own witness by the Holy Ghost.  Far too many members today rely on their testimony of the Book of Mormon, and fail to seek and independent testimony from the Holy Ghost. I do think it is possible for a prophet to lead us astray if we do not seek an independent testimony of the truth.  Just look at a recent example of Gordon B. Hinkley’s purchase of the Salamander Letters.

I have never spoon fed my children their testimonies but have hoped they would desire to gain one for themselves.  I want them to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and of his Gospel independent of any individual including their father.  I think this is the essential truth to be garnered here.

Written in response to a Facebook post to my friend Derek Hale.  The post was in response to the an article on LDS.Org about blacks and the priesthood. 

https://www.lds.org/topics/race-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng

Faith: Hope: Love: Service Doubt and Faith

Perplext in faith, but pure in deeds,

At last,  he beat his music out.

There lives more faith, in honest doubt,

Believe me,  than in half the creeds.

("Faith: Hope: Love: Service Doubt and Faith",

 Alfred Lord Tennyson)

On Honesty, and Truth

I have discovered it was possible to be honest

but not truthful.

I could honestly hold a belief

that the world is flat

but that would not make it, truthful.

Only by being honest

about my beliefs, can

I discover their errors,

and discover a finer truth.

Given a small enough surface area

my belief the world is flat

is a good first level model.

Further thoughts on" Ender's Game"...

...“Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.” (Herbert Hoover, addressing the 1944 Republican National Convention)

"‘In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him." (Orson Scott Card, voice of Ender Wiggin: Enders Game)

"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." — A computer named WOPR in the film WarGames

On Doubt as a sign of Faith

 

 

 

I doubt;
Therefore I believe.

Dubito;
Propterea credo.

Steven L. Bassett
{a word play on René Descartes}

To Behold my Mother

Things I have never seen my mom do.

run a dishwasher

do a load of laundry

console her mother

embrace her father

consume alcohol

smoke a cigarette

save money

be free of debt

nurse her child,

abandon the same

approach death four times,

to deliver a child

lose a fifth before birth.

leave a friend,

 stranded

work a day,
without pain

rest her soul through the night
at peace with her past mistakes

break a promise,

tell a lie

read the bible,

bear a testimony,

talk of christ,

rejoice of christ,

teach of christ,

fail to support a son,
on a  mission

take the sacrament

at home
in her final years

Steven Lynn Bassett
        

On differing perceptions of death

By my grandfather's bed, my mother is reading,

Psalm 62, God is our refuge,

My grandfather stirs, could it be,

He is waking, one final time,

He has something to say,

If you only knew what lies awaiting

If you could only see what I can see

If you could only hear the music playing

The angels singing sweet victory

Oh, if you only knew, if you only knew,

How much he loves you

By my grandfather's bed, my mother is broken,

Psalm 17, O God I call on you,

She doesn't want to hear

Any words about leaving

My grandfather says

"Fear not, this is my time,

And into his presence I'll fly"

If you only knew what lies awainting

If you could only see what I can see

If you could only hear the music playing

The angels singing sweet victory

Oh, if you only knew, if you only knew,

How much he loves you

(Randy Travis , If You Only Knew)

On the Direction of Another One's Vice

A thousand ways, is there no black or white?
Ask your own heart, and nothing is so plain;

'Tis to mistake them, costs the time and pain.
Vice is a monster of so frightful mien*,
As, to be hated,
    needs but to be seen;

Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,

We first endure,
    then pity,
        then embrace.

But where th’ extreme of vice, was ne’er agreed:

 




Ask where’s the north?
    at York, ’tis on the Tweed;
    In Scotland, at the Orcades;
and there,

    At Greenland, Zembla,
        or the Lord knows where.

 

 
No creature owns it in the first degree,
But thinks his neighbour farther gone than he;
Even those who dwell beneath its very zone,
Or never feel the rage, or never own;
What happier nations shrink at with affright,
The hard inhabitant contends is right.

Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

*Definition of MIEN

1: air or bearing especially as expressive of attitude or personality
: demeanor <of aristocratic mien>

Richard Phillips Feynman - The Last Journey Of A Genius

On Doubt as a call to Faith

I know I am grateful for a propensity to doubt,
because it gives me the capacity to freely believe. ...

The call to faith is a summons to engage the heart,
to attune it to resonate in sympathy with principles
and values and ideals that we devoutly hope are true
and which we have reasonable ....

                                        ...but not certain grounds for believing to be true. 

There must be grounds for doubt ...
                                         ...as well as belief,
 in order to render the choice more truly a choice, ...
                                              ...and therefore the more deliberate,
and laden with personal vulnerability and investment.

An overwhelming preponderance of evidence on either side 

would make our choice as meaningless 

as would a loaded gun pointed at our heads.

 (Terryl Givens; Letter to a doubter)

shepherd or sheep herder

When I follow Christ's, ...
                                            ... I follow his teachings,

• I receive additional inspiration.

• I hold myself accountable to follow the new teaching. 

• I may not compel my brothers and sisters to follow these teachings.

• I have friends and family who have chosen different lifestyles. 

• I  desire to be a shepherd and lead them to him . 

• I have tried in the past to drive them as a sheep herder. 

• These attempts were less then successful.

 Shepherding is a long and slow and difficult process.  

Jesus suffered in Gethsemane ...
          ....died on a cross at Calvary
                         ...because he would not compel people  ...

...to accept him as their King and Redeemer.

“A mother does not give her child a blue bow 

because she is so ugly without it. 

A lover does not give a girl a necklace

 to hide her neck. 

If men loved Pimlico

 as mothers love children,

 arbitrarily, 

because it is theirs, 

Pimlico in a year or two might be fairer than Florence. 

Some readers will say that this is a mere fantasy. 

I answer that this is the actual history of mankind. 

This, as a fact, is how cities did grow great. 

Go back to the darkest roots of civilization 

and you will find them knotted round some 

sacred stone or encircling some sacred well. 

People first paid honour to a spot 

and afterwards gained glory for it. 

Men did not love Rome because she was great. 

She was great because they had loved her.”

 (G.K. Chesteron,Orthodoxy)

Do we love our fellow men ..

.... or just seek to compel them to be just, right and good. 

To love someone does not require me to change my personal code of ethics.

Christ like love mandates that I treat my fellow brothers and sisters ...

 ....as I would hope to be treated

This reciprocation may or may not happen.

 “But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.” (Leviticus 19:34)

The Gospel; the good news of Jesus

The good news of Jesus was just the news of the thoughts and ways of the Father in the midst of his family.

He told them that the way men thought for themselves and their children was not the way God thought for himself and his children ; ....
                                            ...that the kingdom of heaven was founded,
and must at length show itself founded on very different principles
 from those of the kingdoms and families of the world,  ....

... meaning

by the world

that part of  the Father's family which will not be ordered by him, 

will not even try to obey him. 

The world's man, 

its great, its successful, 

its honourable man, 

is he who may have and do what he pleases, 

whose strength lies in money and the praise of men ; 

the greatest in the kingdom of heaven

 is the man who is humblest and serves his fellows the most. 

Multitudes of men,

 in no degree notable as ambitious or proud,  ...

... hold the ambitious, 

the proud man in honour, 

and, for all deliverance, 

hope after some shadow of his prosperity.

How many even of those who look for the world to come, 

seek to the powers of this world for deliverance from its evils,

as if God were the God of the world to come only! 

The oppressed of the Lord's time looked for a Messiah to set their nation free, 

and make it rich and strong; 

the oppressed of our time believe in money, knowledge, and the will of a people

which needs but power  ...

... to be in its turn the oppressor. The first words of the Lord on this occasion were:—

 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.'

(George Macdonald, Hope of the Gospel p. 82)

On faith and doubt

I am convinced that there must be grounds for doubt as well as belief, 

in order to render the choice more truly a choice,

 and therefore the more deliberate, 

and laden with personal vulnerability and investment.  

The option to believe must appear on one's personal horizon 

like the fruit of paradise, 

perched precariously between sets of demands held in dynamic tension.  

One is, it would seem, 

always provided with sufficient materials out of which to fashion

 a life of credible conviction or dismissive denial.  

We are acted upon, 

in other words, 

by appeals to our personal values, 

our yearnings, 

our fears,

 our appetites and our ego.  

What we choose to embrace, 

to be responsive to, 

is the purest reflection of who we are and what we love.  

That is why faith,

 the choice to believe,

 is in the final analysis an action 

that is positively laden with moral significance.  

The call to faith is a summons to engage the heart, 

to attune it to resonate in sympathy with principles

 and values and ideals that we devoutly hope are true, 

and have reasonable but not certain grounds for believing to be true.

Terryl Givens, "Lightning out of Heaven: Joseph Smith and the Forging of Community," forum address, Brigham Young University, 29 November, 2005

On Choosing Mormonism

'Why am I Mormon?

• I am Mormon because I willingly – and with my eyes, mind, and heart fully open – choose to be Mormon. 
• I am Mormon because I doubt. 
• I am Mormon because I hope. 
• I am Mormon because I believe. 
• I am Mormon because I know. 
• I am Mormon because I choose to wrestle with God in my “dark night of the soul”.
• I am Mormon because I choose to wrestle with the LDS church. 
• I choose to be Mormon because it is within Mormonism that I have found God. 

“It is not as a child that I believe and confess Jesus Christ. 

My hosanna is born of a furnace of doubt” (Fyodor Dostoevsky).'

(Michael Barker in Featured, Mormonism, Why I Am Mormon - Personal Essays)

Every Riven Thing

God goes, belonging to every riven thing he's made

sing his being simply by being

the thing it is:

stone and tree and sky,

man who sees and sings and wonders why

God goes. Belonging, to every riven thing he's made,

means a storm of peace.

Think of the atoms inside the stone.

Think of the man who sits alone

trying to will himself into the stillness where

God goes belonging. To every riven thing he's made

there is given one shade

shaped exactly to the thing itself:

under the tree a darker tree;

under the man the only man to see

God goes belonging to every riven thing. He's made

the things that bring him near,

made the mind that makes him go.

A part of what man knows,

apart from what man knows,

God goes belonging to every riven thing he's made.

christian wimans

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/art/blog/2010/11/poet-christian-wimans-every-riven-thing.html

rive  (rv)
v. rived, riv·en (rvn) also rived, riv·ing, rives
v.tr.
1. To rend or tear apart.
2. To break into pieces, as by a blow; cleave or split asunder.
3. To break or distress (the spirit, for example).
v.intr.
To be or become split.
[Middle English riven, from Old Norse rfa.]

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/riven

On being compelled to Love

Love is an act,
I am compelled to renew daily, 
a bittersweet choice, 
like pork seeds and chinese mustard sauce, 
   a combination of flavors,
                                   that in the end satisfies me ....
                                                       .......though more often then not, 
  very painful.

My second poem

These Poems, She Said

 These poems, these poems,

these poems, she said, are poems

with no love in them. These are the poems of a man 

who would leave his wife and child because 

they made noise in his study. These are the poems 

of a man who would murder his mother to claim 

the inheritance. These are the poems of a man 

like Plato, she said, meaning something I did not 

comprehend but which nevertheless

offended me. These are the poems of a man

who would rather sleep with himself than with women, 

she said. These are the poems of a man

with eyes like a drawknife, with hands like a pickpocket’s 

hands, woven of water and logic

and hunger, with no strand of love in them. These 

poems are as heartless as birdsong, as unmeant  

as elm leaves, which if they love love only 

the wide blue sky and the air and the idea

of elm leaves. Self-love is an ending, she said, 

and not a beginning. Love means love

of the thing sung, not of the song or the singing. 

These poems, she said....

                                       You are, he said,

beautiful.

                That is not love, she said rightly.

Robert Bringhurst, “These Poems, She Said” from The Beauty of the Weapons: Selected Poems 1972-1982. Copyright © 1982 by Robert Bringhurst. Used by permission of Copper Canyon Press

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178483

On a Weeping god,

At the very end of the bible, John the Revelator is given a vision much like Enoch’s; in fact, he sees Enoch’s holy city, the new Jerusalem in the latter days “coming down from God out of heaven . . .And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, behold the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people. 

. . .And God shall wipe away all tears from their eye” (Rev. 21:3–4). This is the great hope and consolation for all believers. For Mormons, it has the added poignancy that as he wipes away those tears, 

God himself will be weeping for the residue of his children who are not there.

(Eugene England , The Weeping God of Mormonism, Originally published: Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought 35, no. 1 (Spring 2002): 63–80.)

On judging our leaders

“Though I admitted in my feelings and knew all the time that Joseph was a human being and subject to err, still it was none of my business to look after his faults.. . .

It was not my prerogative to call him in question with regard to any act of his life.
He was God’s servant, and not mine.”  

(Brigham Young, sermon delivered in Bowery, Great Salt Lake City Utah Territory March 29, 1857)

Job Description

Job Description;

self programming  Field Gate Array,  Googlebot, 

with Dynamic Host Memory

and intuitive IO interfaces,   

WARNING "resets every 24 hours"

If you understand this you are smarter then i am