Steven Lynn Bassett

Born July 6, 1965

Logan Cache County Utah

Bonnie Jean Frandsen

Born May 5, 1960

Brigham City Box Elder County Utah

Married

January 6, 1990

Logan City, Cache County Utah

Logan L.D.S Temple

 

 

 

 

 

 

It began with a gentle nibbling on her ear.

This is the first line of a poem I wrote several years ago for my communications class at Brigham Young University – Idaho. It is about the first time I made love to my wife. It was on our second day of marriage; she asked me to help her make a baby.  The first day had been a long a tiring day. Bonnie had to plan and prepare her own wedding reception.  After the wedding, we cleaned up the church cultural hall, so that first night together had been a pajama night. She will forever remain the only woman to make that request.

I ask myself this question at work.  What is a marriage if it is not about companionship and not about sex? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex as much as the next man and the desire to participate in it has never left me, but my wife lost the desire for sex, decades ago. I don’t know if it is because of early menopause brought on by the hysterectomy, the way I treated her early in our marriage, or just the physical fact that I am too fat for sex to be comfortable for me. The fact remains that I have remained forever attracted to her and have a desire to bless her life in whatever relationship I can maintain between us. Sometimes, this can be difficult because, after 30 minutes with her, I need to find something else to capture my attention as our interests are so divergent.

A couple of years ago, I wrote an essay, that on the surface, seemed to say my wife was not my best friend but that my sister was my best friend.  My wife and I share a best friend.  It is my younger sister Debra.  Years ago, my wife recommended that if I wanted to see a movie or go do something socially that I should take my sister. I have more fun on a date with my sister than I do with my wife. My wife knows there is no physical attraction with my sister; we have similar interests and enjoy doing the same things. There is no fear that I will begin an affair with my sister.  Neither my sister nor I desire that sort of relationship; we just enjoy doing the same things socially. Many times, when we were first married, I would take Debra and her husband on double dates so I would have someone to talk to during dinner.

But if you read between the lines of that essay, you see that Bonnie is my best friend, not because we have similar interests or because we enjoy doing the same things.  Bonnie has dedicated herself to providing me with a good life, a clean home, and two children. For two decades, she was always home when I arrived home. Bonnie knew I hated coming home to an empty house. On those rare occasions when she could not be home, she would send me on an errand or ask me to wait for her at someone’s home until she could be home with me.  Bonnie may have only done this on a dozen occasions in those twenty years.

I remember the story of the little boy who, on coming home, runs into the house to find his mother.  Once he has located her, he can go outside to play or start his chores. That is the way I felt about coming home.  I would look for my wife.  I needed to know where she was because she is the base I built my life upon.

When she discovered I was infertile, we attended some adoption classes at L.D.S. Social Services. When that did not work out, she hatched a play with her younger sister to provide us with a child. Without Bonnie, I would not have received a child; I may never have become a father without Bonnie and Nancy.

I always wanted to be a father and husband. In my teens, I began a study of early L.D.S. Church history. I was reading the 7-volume history of Joseph Smith and his restoration of the Church. It is the one edited by B.H. Roberts. I would read and journal about my experience every night. My ninth-grade teacher was teaching me to write simple one-page essays.  I would write these essays and write letters to my future wife and children.

My mom taught me from an early age about the castle on the hill in the center of town. It was a temple, built by my grandfathers, where she had knelt at an altar and promised to be my mom for all eternity.  She said because of that promise; we would be a family for all eternity.

I wanted to find a woman who would make these same promises with me at the same temple alters.

I would write and journal about what this woman would be like, and I questioned how I would find her and know her when I met her.

In my Church, we are asked not to date or court women until we turn 16; even then, we are asked to court in groups. This often includes dances and combined activities with the young women in the Ward. The first girl I dated one on one with was Linda Bullard. We had been friends when she was younger and lived next to my grandma Bassett. I lost track of her when she moved away at about ten. We met again when she was 14. This was at my bishop's house, a friend of her foster parents. She invited me to their home for Thanksgiving. This never worked out because she was too young to court.

The next girl I courted, I met on a Logan High Orchestra trip. We attended a competition in San Diego, California.  She made me lunch in her motel room.  I fell asleep afterward while watching television. This is not a great way to begin a courtship.  I was attracted to several of the orchestra girls, but none of them developed into anything more than admiration from afar.

When I was serving as Mission Recorder in the Mission Office, I learned that Terri Sue Allen was going on a mission to Austria. She was a year older than me in High School. I could start courting her after our missions. She was one of the girls I was attracted to in High School. I visited her several time on Sunday evening, and I even took her on a few dates, but she was not interested in anything more. This infatuation lasted several years. After I gave up on starting this relationship, I discovered Bonnie.

When I was 23, my roommate challenged me to get married next year. I was not dating anyone at the time. He said I could set a goal and then pray about it. This I decided to do.

I noticed a young lady in our young adult ward who had a small child. She was a bit of a wild child seeking to change her life. Her name was Cindy. I am not sure she was a baptized member of the Ward. Once, she came dressed in a dog collar when we went out. One time we went to a local bar to listen to a band.  The band was led by a friend from high school, Aaron Baugh.  It may seem weird to go to a bar and not drink just to listen to a band, but that is what we did. Thankfully I realized this relationship was not the kind of relationship I needed to get married in the temple.

I was introduced to another young lady by a member of our young adult ward.  Ginger Bright and I went out a few times; she may have been my first steady girlfriend. She asked me to stop dating her because she had been raped and could never make anyone a good wife. I was grateful that she broke things off.  The thought of waking up every morning and seeing her in bed was not pleasant.

One day my date began bugging me about a girl from his work. He said she was a return missionary and needed a good boyfriend. I was not interested in asking her out. I have learned from experience that the only way I could get him to leave me alone was to ask her out at least once. He made it seem like he had talked to her, and she wanted to go out with me.

I was working part-time at a Television Repair shop.  I had dropped out of college because my grades were terrible. One day she brought her television in for repair. She arrived in her sisters' car with her mom and her sisters' children.  I thought they looked like the Beverly Hillbillies. I called her up one day at work.  Her mom answered the phone, and I asked to speak with Bonnie.  No, the television was not repaired but would she go swimming with me that weekend.  The Young adult ward had an activity at a Hot Springs in Preston, Idaho.  I think she went out with me to stop Dad from bugging her at work about his return missionary son. The date went well, and she did look good in a bathing suit. She agreed to a second date.  I think it was to the movies. Our third date was the Herzog family reunion. I needed to introduce her to my family early.  If she did not like my family, this relationship would go nowhere. She loved my family, and they loved her. Within six months, we were married and sealed in the temple. Only later did I learn that she knew my older brother and swore she would never marry one of my fathers' sons.

I enjoy family history and love to learn about my grandfathers and grandmothers. I have a program on my cell phone that lets me see all of their histories for at least seven generations. I have read many of their life histories. It is an example of their relationship that has strengthened Bonnie and my relationship.

Thurston Larson was one of the ancestors I love to learn about.  He immigrated from Norway to a community in Iowa near Nauvoo; it was there that his family joined the Mormon church. He was part of the group forced to leave Nauvoo and immigrate west as part of the Mormon migration. He was part of the Mormon Battalion and served in the Mexican American War. He married a young lady from England. She left him for another man leaving him with several children. Later in life, they remarried in the Logan Temple. He partly did this so he could leave her with his war pension. Sometimes love means taking care of someone even when they have wronged you. He must have loved her.

 

 

 

This is my grandmother Lauretta West Byington. My mom told me her story from when I was a little boy. She died while in child delivery. She left several children for my grandfather to raise as a single father in the depression. She could have had an operation to deliver the child, but she would die. She decided to take this last child to Heaven to raise herself. She could not leave her husband with one more child to support with little or no resources.

Her daughter Sarah Elnora (Nora) Herzog raised her last child. Chancy came with her when she married my grandfather Leo Herzog.

These memories of my ancestors and their relationships have sustained my desire to build a relationship with my wife. When life becomes challenging and unbearable, I think of them, and their sacrifices give me the strength to try one more time.

I do love my wife and my children.  I want them forever.  Without my wife and our temple covenants, I also know I cannot with my mother and father and our extended family.  I will devote the remainder of my life to blessing Bonnie's life so that she will choose me again as her eternal companion when we wake on the morning of the resurrection.