on telling God to go to Hell

Has there been a time when you just wanted to tell God to go to Hell? After 40+ years of deep study of church history and doctrine, I was very unhappy with my "church experience" I would come home from church services so hungry and craving more, more of what I was uncertain but I needed more. I remember taking out the garbage one night and cursing God in my unhappiness. When in 2015 my wife was in end-stage cancer and my daughter was not speaking to me. I just wanted to tell God to go to Hell.

I have since learned that my Heavenly Parents just wanted to be with me, in a relationship. I sure my Heavenly Mom wanted to cuddle with me, but in my anger and shame, I was pushing them both away. I have found some peace now as I serve my Earthy Father and my daughter has forgiven me for causing the distance between us.

Maybe the answer comes in the service I offer and not in the answer's I demand.

"I gave You my heart
So, tell me, why is it broken?
If You're the healer,
Why are my wounds still open?
What do You want from me?
Are You sure You want everything?
Even my honesty?
Even my honesty
Even my honesty"

"I know You've promised that You won't leave me broken
But right now I need to know You're here in this moment
Why won't You answer me? (Answer me)
What do You want from me?
When all I can bring You is my doubt and my anger
You'd still rather fight with me than let us be strangers
Is that what You want from me? (Want from me)
The way You get close to me
Are You sure You want all of me?
All of my agony?
All of my questioning?
Even my honesty?"

Jason Gray - "Honesty"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aLj-Cz7aog&fbclid=IwAR2wvTrcBOVL5du3Glw1pUs2CLTtG6czlp0k6fNbOLR2z1qcEccTubVv1fE