My goal this semester was to increase my communications
skills with my wife. Because of the
needs of our ageing parents, I live with my father and my wife lives in our
family home in a town about 20 miles away.
My father needs daily guidance and her moms needs physical
assistance. My goal then was to see if I
could increase our communications and intimacy using texting, voice calls,
weekly visits and sharing the poetry I write.
Take a walk down memory lane with me today.
My parents have always been very central to my very soul
even through the many decades I was angry about the way they raised me the
first three years of my life. I used to
borrow my mom’s van when I would make weekly trips to Wyoming repairing big
screen tv’s in people’s homes. I would
play this song for hours on her cassette deck.
I selected my wife based on the relationship she would build with my
family. My wife and my sister became
best friends while I was courting my wife.
Today they run a day-care center together.
“I was standing at the counterI was waiting for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match had been tossed into my soul
It was like a dam had broken in my heart
After taking every detour
Gettin' lost and losin' track
So that even if I wanted I could not find my way back
After driving out the memory
Of the way things might have been
After I'd forgotten all about us
The song remembers when”
Trish Yearwood, The Song Remembers
When1
My wife and I listened to
this song a great deal when we were first married. I sent her this link one morning to reminder
of my love for her and the life we built together.
“Remember when I was young and so were you“And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when”
Alan Jackson ”Remember When”
I wrote this poem for one of my
English Classes last year. It is about
the first time my wife and I made love on our second day of married life. The day we were married was a busy day. My wife planned, decorated and hosted her own
wedding reception so by the time we made it to the hotel room that night she
was very tired. We made that first night
a pajama night. The second day was in
our apartment where her family and friends has helped her move her stuff the
previous week including her king size water bed. We had spent that Sunday
visiting my sister and blessing her first son Fridy Leishman. We have never had a honey moon, life just got
to busy. That night she escorted me to
the bridal chamber and ask me to help her make a baby.
On making a baby ...
Let's make a baby,
She said.
She said.
It was not the first night,
But the second.
But the second.
The first had been a pajama night.
Still he had not slept with a woman,
Except momma, her momma, or an aunt.
Except momma, her momma, or an aunt.
The first day was a busy day,
The wedding breakfast,
Temple ceremony, when he nearly fainted, and the wedding reception.
The wedding breakfast,
Temple ceremony, when he nearly fainted, and the wedding reception.
So, the first night was a pajama
night.
She was the first to kiss him,
Except momma.
Except momma.
That second night, they did try,
to make a baby.
Little did they know, He could never
create new life.
Still they luved to try.
The babies did come, send from another
who luved them all.
He so luved his Eve.
So times seam tough and life is a struggle ,
Still he knows she was the first and will remain the only,
So times seam tough and life is a struggle ,
Still he knows she was the first and will remain the only,
To ask him, to help her, to make a
baby.
My wife and her mom have always
seamed to be more sisters then mother and daughter. I wonder what their relationship had been
like before they were born. My wife was
29 when we married and she had brother and sister young enough to be her
children. She was living at home when we
married. she helping her mom to raise these children. When we found out I was
not able to create life we thought we would help her mom with these children
and borrow the nieces and nephews on weekends.
My wife started a day care center in our hope to help with the baby’s
pains. My wife’s sister chose to become
our handmaiden and create two children for us to share. I have taught my children of Nancy’s love
for them. The choose she made to create their life and how they need to honor
her choice. They were never a mistake or
a problem to be solved.
This is the last picture I have of
Ashley, Nicholas and their older brother Cody.
I really wanted to be Cody’s father but grandpa loved him first. If we had taken Cody then it would have
removed my fathers-in-law desire to live. My mother-in-law raised two babies of
her daughter’s and we raised our two. My
wife and her mom did their best to raise them as one family unit in two
separate homes.
The Babies they raised together
They were sisters, first, were they not?
Then mother, and daughter.
The babies, then they raised, together.
Unmarried she was and living at home.
Helping her mom with the babies.
Born when out of high school, she was.
Young enough, they were.
They could have been, her children.
Then the young man along came he.
Too young for her was he,
she then 30 and he is 25.
This then the cradle, she robbed.
Then the small house, in the center of town.
It was her grandmother's house, the first they bought,
together.
Then no babies came, to them,
infertile was he, failed her request,
to help make a baby.
Then the daycare center, in their home,
more babies then come, to raise.
Her sister, fertile was she.
This then her gift, a baby, to them.
This then their baby to raise together.
Her mother received a gift, two babies,
from her daughters.
This then more babies, to raise, together.
These babies, siblings would be.
One home, two houses, and three babies to share.
Then later, one final gift, this baby,
to them, this day.
This then the babies, they raised together.
Then the small house, in the center of town.
It was her grandmother's house, the first they bought,
together.
Then no babies came, to them,
infertile was he, failed her request,
to help make a baby.
Then the daycare center, in their home,
more babies then come, to raise.
Her sister, fertile was she.
This then her gift, a baby, to them.
This then their baby to raise together.
Her mother received a gift, two babies,
from her daughters.
This then more babies, to raise, together.
These babies, siblings would be.
One home, two houses, and three babies to share.
Then later, one final gift, this baby,
to them, this day.
This then the babies, they raised together.
I wanted you to this picture, the joy
in my children’s lives. If you knew Ashley’s
and Cody’s history you would wonder how she grew to love and forgive him. He spent a few years in reform school for the
mistakes he made with his sister’s. When
you walk into a courtroom and participate in prosecution and then purchase a
van so you can visit that a boy, that should have been your first son, you learn
the real power of love and forgiveness.
This then the drive
This then the drive, to visit, one of the babies.
Nearly grown now, is he?
He is tall.
He is smart.
One of the babies, we raised, together.
But the choices, he made, what of the choices.
He is not what he did, he is one of the babies.
So a used van, I buy, to take them, for a visit.
This then four hours, we will drive, one way.
In the van, my wife and I will sit,
while mom and dad visit with the baby,
now a young man.
I hold a prayer, that is all I can hold.
No influence have, I over this baby.
All I have is my love.
He could have been my first baby,
But grandpa loved him first.
So all I have is my prayer and hope.
A hope that he will become more then he did.
More than he is, now.
This crime, this thing, forgiveness will then come.
For to love is the only choice I have, today.
To choose any other is to damage my soul.
So I will love the boy I have no influence over,
and I will cherish this memory, we make today.
Nearly grown now, is he?
He is tall.
He is smart.
One of the babies, we raised, together.
But the choices, he made, what of the choices.
He is not what he did, he is one of the babies.
So a used van, I buy, to take them, for a visit.
This then four hours, we will drive, one way.
In the van, my wife and I will sit,
while mom and dad visit with the baby,
now a young man.
I hold a prayer, that is all I can hold.
No influence have, I over this baby.
All I have is my love.
He could have been my first baby,
But grandpa loved him first.
So all I have is my prayer and hope.
A hope that he will become more then he did.
More than he is, now.
This crime, this thing, forgiveness will then come.
For to love is the only choice I have, today.
To choose any other is to damage my soul.
So I will love the boy I have no influence over,
and I will cherish this memory, we make today.
So, you ask
how is Bonnie and my relationship, today, I visited her this weekend to again
ask this question. Al least twice a week
I ask her if we are good and is she happy.
She reassures me that we are good and that she loves me, still. It seems
like we are both two great suns orbiting one great planet. This planet represents our parents and our
children. This is the poem I wrote this
weekend and shared with wife yesterday.
on two great
suns
Two great suns, once there were.
once in orbit near a great sphere,
Attracted they were one to another.
This then what of the attraction.
Little in common had they then,
even less now so they find.
This attraction what does, it hold?
This distance required, as the sun's glow brighter,
a greater distance, in their orbit sphere.
This the fear then he feels,
that destruction may come,
at a smaller orbit, as their strength and bond
glow brighter.
that destruction may come,
at a smaller orbit, as their strength and bond
glow brighter.
Daily he checks, this then the dance.
Weaving in and out, each other's sphere.
This many years now, then have they danced.
The choice than to continue, this covenant path.
