Steven Bassett
Bro. Gentry
Eng 106
11 July 2019
My
Own Gethsemane
Is the pain less real for the loss of a possibility? I asked myself this one day at work. When my
wife and I were first married we experienced what we thought was a miscarriage.
Turns out I was sterile. My body had never created a sperm cell, idiopathic they
said with no explanation. I use the experience when I meet with a friend or
family member who has experienced a loss.
With this experience, I understand how Christ felt in The
Garden of Gethsemane. How he took up my
pain and suffering and lifted the burden off my shoulders. I know how it feels to lose a child. I know how it feels to gain a child. I have a hope in Christ that he will lift the
burden of the first and enhance the joy of the second; we both experienced our
own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope then to carry for a while the burden of their
loss as Christ carried my burden and as we all mourn the loss of our own
possibilities.
To
understand the height of my joy, I want you to experience the depth of my sorrow. This sorrow is a lesson I carry to help others to reach their joy.
She
was my first, steady girlfriend, female kiss, and first female intimacy. It began simply enough with a request my wife,
as she escorted me to the bridal chamber. It had been my bedroom. It was now
ours. “Help me make a baby" she had
said, on the first time, on that second night. It began with the gentle
nibbling on her ear. She was the first to make this request. She will remain the last.
We were soon nestled in a home we purchased together. One night I learned, after coming home, we
were expecting twins. She requested a
priesthood blessing. She was losing the babies.
I felt deeply this loss of our children.
When no further pregnancies occurred, she requested I
take a fertility test. The doctor found
no reason for infertility; my body had simply never created a sperm cell. I ask
myself how could this be? What of the
loss of the first two babies? Had not
God promised me a large righteous posterity. This lesson was a gift, the pain I
felt was real even when the babies were not.
The
Jesus in the Garden is the Jehovah of the Torah. He learned of pain, sorrow,
and loss. His father had informed him about these things. Till the Garden of Gethsemane, he had not
experienced them. My mom taught me about losing her child. His name was Dana
Allen. He was born before he was ready
to thrive. Until this experience, I had been taught but did not understand the
pain from the loss of a child. This is an experience my Mom and I share, like
the one Jesus and his Father experienced in Gethsemane.
When
I visit with a mother, father or grandparent, who has lost a child, I
understand how Christ felt in The Garden of Gethsemane. How he took up my pain and suffering and
lifted the burden off my shoulders. I
know how it feels to lose a child. I
know how it feels to gain a child. I
have a hope in Christ that he will lift the burden of the first and enhance the
joy of the second; we both experienced our own Garden of Gethsemane. I hope
then to carry for a while the burden of their loss as Christ carried my burden
and as we all mourn the loss of our own possibilities.
With
time a handmaiden would provide us with two children. They are both a real joy and a blessing. These children have diminished but not
removed the pain from the loss of the first two children, even if those
children were only a possibility.
My
children are mostly grown now. My
daughter is married and is experiencing her own infertility issues with her
husband. They have replaced their unborn
children with their family pets. I
understand their loss; I feel their pain.
I hope they find their own handmaiden someday.
#I am using the term handmaiden in the Old Testament sense. In the Old Testament, a handmaiden is a woman who chooses to bear a child for another woman. Ruth was a handmaiden to Naomi and Boaz. Mary was a handmaiden to our Heavenly Mother.
